Hurricane Emily

I once knew a girl named Emily. She was a wealthy, 17 year old California daddy's girl who broke my heart and was later romantically linked to Owen Wilson whom she met in Hawaii during the filming of The Big Bounce, who then called her periodically. Yes, the Owen Wilson. I wouldn't make that up.

But Emily wasn't a hurricane. Hell, she wasn't even a tropical depression. (She may have been depressing, but that's another story.)

Another Emily is at my doorstep this evening. She has introduced herself to the Texas coast as a Type III hurricane, whatever that means. I'll admit it sounds more important than a Type I but less flamboyant as a Type X. I like the letter "x". It has a cool sound.

"X".

If I lived on the west coast it'd be a typhoon. "Typhoon" is cooler than "hurricane". It sounds like a badass storm. "Hurricane" gives me an image of a sugar-coated, British candy that melts in your mouth and just kind of makes your hand sticky when you hold it too long.

Regardless, I wanted to photograph Emily's approach to the mainland but there isn't much more than a few dark clouds overhead. Looks like a regular overcast day and not very exciting. Maybe the winds will rage and throw some cattle around.

The lenses of my camera were dirty so I went to Best Buy to purchase a cleaning kit. The corpulant blonde chick who works in the camera department has a chest that keeps her uniform shirt from buttoning all the way. She wore a black bra today and the way she bent over the counter I could see enough cleavage to sandbag my house with.

When she pulled the plastic sack out, the sides were stuck together so instead of shaking the bag to open it, she gently blew into it the way a woman-who's-sexy-and-not-even-trying would. She placed the kit into the sack and handed it to me with a great big, busty blonde smile and with a tiny, nasal, busty blonde voice said, "thank you!" I've never been more turned on.

Therefore, this is the sexiest lens cleaning kit I have ever owned!

As you can see, I'm not concerned about Emily. I feel so strongly that the "hurricane" will be so anti-climactic that I have refused to board up my bedroom window. Tonight I'm having lasagna. I will enjoy it thoroughly.